4 weeks 3 days

"Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about" --Winston Churchill

It's definitely been a long few days and it wouldn't be one of my pregnancies without the emotional roller coaster. I need to recognize that this might be my norm.

My levels are progressing as they should be. Beta went from 103 to 280 in 48 hours (should double!) progesterone fluctuates from 11 to 14 and apparently is normal. Estrogen over 400 as it should be. Last night I was freaked out by spotting (not red blood) and some cramping....to me, this means one thing....miscarriage. I was a mess. Slept very little until it was time to go get my 2nd beta.

As usually, my local nurse, Audrey was supportive and said it was common and not to be concerned. Even told me to call at 1030 and she would give me an update so I didn't have to wait for the CCRM call. Whew. That helped.

CCRM called and again said it was very common (see how I keep asking) ...said my numbers looked great and that the spotting was from the progesterone irritating the uterine lining. Said cramping was from lack of water and to stay hydrated. Got it. Then I got instructions for weekly blood work (no more betas unless nessasary), u/s at 6.5 and 8.5 and they will monitor me until 13 weeks. Ahh. I can't think that far. Reordered more patches and progesterone (and even this scared me....the thought of having all these meds and something going wrong....freaks me out)

I also got a comgratulations letter outlining all the info...and of course, reemphasizing spotting is normal (this woulda been helpful yesterday!)

The best part of the day (besides Baltimore Raven Ray Rice coming to our work) was my phone call from sweet dr. surrey. To congratulate me...."his favorite type of phone call" he said. Of course, I asked....did you expect me not to? Spotting is normal and just take it easy. Ultrasound in 2.5 weeks. I thanked him for being so wonderful and compassionate. I am sure I will tell him more...when .....

Someone asked me my due date and I don't want to know. Too far away. I don't want to know until I at least see the heartbeat. Lots of time....

....so, I take each day as it comes. Hoping that my rainbow baby is snuggled in for the long haul. Still not ready to tell the world or get too excited.

I love you already, BB.