Finding I can't really handle much more than one day at a time. Last week, I had acupuncture twice, once with Cricket (my zen) and once with Dr. Cheng. I am starting to get used to his style and now that he has let me lay on my side instead of my belly its a bit more relaxing. Today, he told me he is going on vacation for 10 days but he will try to find me a new practitioner to see while he is cruising Alaska. Its a good thing b/c I don't want to stop electro stim. He seems to think my "uterus" according to my tongue is looking better. Started my Lupron shots on Friday which are pretty uneventful (crazy that sticking my abdomen with a needle doesn't even phase me anymore!)
Woke up Friday morning in a panic as I thought that the irriration and itching was coming back. Sadly, I am way in tune with my body and I just know when it feels off. Called my high risk OB on his phone at 730 am freaking out that it was back. I needed him to see me to check things out. I also felt like I had some discharge and something wasn't quite right. He was calm as usual and said he would get his partner to see me. Dr. Atkins. Anyone, I would see anyone even a resident at this point.
2 pm on Friday I was greeted by a 40 something female OB who looked like someone I would hang out with on a Saturday! She was kind, patient and asked lots of questions. Tested for any infection and suggested I see more cortisone cream. Wrote me a script for more Medrol if necessary once I spoke to CCRM. The down side of being seen by ones high risk OB, is that you sit in a waiting room filled with BIG pregnant women. The entire visit I was able to hear the baby's heartbeat being monitored in the next room. Talk about trying to keep it together while explaining to this new doc while I was going to Colorado for IVF.
I was looking forward to a long needed therapy session which was cut short by the nurse on call at CCRM calling me back. She wanted to wait to see what the tests results showed on Monday but suggested all sorts of things from cortisone cream, dove soap, cotton underwear and my favorite....a hair dryer set on cool to dry my lady parts completely ...now thats a new one!! My therapist found that amusing!!
Email late last night from my OB, said tests were all negative. But did show some white blood cells...wasn't sure what that was from but concluded that there is some inflammation. I don't like not knowing and he said lets just wait and see how i feel throughout the week. Will email CCRM to determine there thoughts. Wondering if its just all the hormones or my body recovering from retrieval.
Still bummed that BP isn't able to come with me but its out of his control. I am lucky that my person from Arizona, T, is able to join me. She was there with me for a few days during retrieval and really has been on this journey since I made my original phone call to the first RE.
Its a few more days of birth control pills and then move on to estrogen patches. For now, I am still just trying to wrap my head around it all. I am in the mind set similar to when I was starting stims for retrieval, I couldn't think past each day. Just dealing with it day by day.....trying to make it through. Still feeling pretty numb. Numb. Still the feeling of the day.
(sorry you had to hear about all my hooha woes but thats part of the journey!)
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Numb
As I am beginning to heal physically from retrieval and feel almost back to myself physically, on an emotional level I feel numb. Just going through the motions of day to day activities but continue to just feel completely numb.
I had a wonderful almost 2 hour acupuncture treatment from Cricket. She knew that I was struggling and she treated me to really try to ignite the fire within. I definitely felt the warmth come over me after my treatment. The calmness. Always feel good after leaving my session. I had crazy dreams last night and that usually happens after my session with her. I look forward to every treatment and secretly hope they are long like this one.
But tonight, I feel numb. It's pretty much how I have felt as I move into transfer. I am not excited about the possibilities. Maybe it's protective. Maybe I am protecting my heart from possible disappointment and sadness. On this journey, I have learned that I do that to lessen the blow (if that's even possible). Perhaps that emotion will change over time when I start injections and estrogen patches (slightly afraid of what emotion they will facilitate)
I can tell I am not even stressed about work. I just go in, do what's on my calendar and leave. I just don't have the umph to even worry or stress about these work issues that are out of my control. And there are A LOT of work issues.....I should be stressed by it.
So for now, it's just numb. Still as I slowly tell my family that BB was the only one that remains I revisit the sadness all over again. I need to also figure out who can travel with me for transfer (as BP can't go). Ideally, I could just go and do this on my own but I will be on 2 days bed rest. I need to do my best to adhere to that and following doctors instructions. I will be staying at my aunts but can't rely on the fact that she won't have to work. A few friends have offered so we will see who can logistically work it out...I do have amazing friends!!
Going to try to turn my brain off and get some sleep. It's even hard for me to find the words to blog. For now, that's where I am. Maybe that will change when I start injections on Friday??
Will keep you posted on that theory!!
Sunday, July 22, 2012
CCS Results
It was a strange evening...arriving home after work to a rainy evening. Watching the rain flow down my living room window (on the outside) prompted me to check the normal leaks and identify a new one coming from the floor and baseboard. Moved furniture, laid down blankets and just waited. Slightly annoyed but distracted by the electricity going out in one room. Several attempts to get the breaker reset failed and I was searching for electricians to contact. While dialing one electrician, I noticed a 303 area code. Colorado. My heart skipped a beat.
Hello? Dr. Surrey could hear the panic in my voice and commented on it. He sounded up beat and calm. I tried to catch my breathe and do the same. And then he said it, "of the 6 embryos tested, one was determined to be healthy"
ONE?
I could feel the lump in my throat. My heart begin to race even more and I just listened. He continued stating that a few of them had multiple choromosomal issues, one had an extra chromosome 18 and one had a deletion in chromosome 15. Dr. Surrey said that clearly these embryos would've caused miscarriage. He went on to say that the one that was graded as the "best" looking embryo, 5AA, actually had multiple chromosomal issues and wouldn't have survived. He said that the lone survivor was the embryo graded as 5BB. Last man standing.
Dr. Surrey explained I had 2 options. Move to transfer my one embryo. Or if I wanted more children in the future I could attempt another round of IVF. He recognized that this was expensive and I didn't have IVF coverage. I reminded him that I wanted one child and had been on this journey for 2 years. He agreed. Transfer the one remaing embryo and said chances were good it would stick. I did share that I was disappointed that there was only one and no back up in case this transfer didn't work. I shared the bad reaction I had to the betadine from retrieval and was still dealing with it. He apologized for that and said that Betadine isn't used during transfer but would make a note on my chart. Still, he sounded excited by the news of my one lone embryo. Told me my nurse would call me tomorrow but I shared that we were already in touch and had a tenative date of August 24th. Wonderful, he says.
Hanging up the phone, I lost it. Tears began to flow and they didn't stop for hours. The kind of tears where you just can't stop yourself. Where you can't talk with anyone and your chest feels like its going to cave in. I sent a couple text messages that the results were back. One. 5BB was the last standing embryo.
The response (although meant to comfort me) that it only takes one made me so angry. I didn't want just one. I wanted all of them or at least two. I wanted one as a back up in case I have been miscarrying for other reasons. My biggest fear was that none of them would make it. So, I should be happy that one had survived. All I felt was sadness and disappointment.
An evening of crying and puffy eyes turned into a slow morning the next day. I was moving to transfer in August and as a reminder I had to pick up my to be refrigerated Lupron from Fedex that morning. Oddly, as I was picking up my package, a man in scrubs was also picking up something and saw my package stating "please refrigerate". He commented (gotta love the sensitive medical professional), "what you have in there, something good I hope?" Really dude? Its an injectible medication. Can you be in my business anymore? Disassembled the large box and put the medication, needles and sharps container in my bag and attempted to leave quickly.
I needed to grieve the loss of my other babies. I thought about asking the gender of the other 5 but felt it didn't really matter at this point. They weren't healthy and I couldn't use them. I am thankful that I went through the CCS testing. I can't imagine transferring those "highly graded" embryos and experiencing another miscarriage. A deep fear.
That fear is still there. There are no guarantees that a healthy embryo will result in a healthy live birth. The fragility of life still amazes me every moment. All the moments when something can go wrong from fertilization to implantation to everything in between. I have been trying to focus on one step at a time and was doing extremely well up until the news of one embryo.
What if this doesn't implant? What if I miscarriage again? What if my clotting disorder also affects my pregnancies? Should I do the Lovenox that I had discussed with my OB?
Feel like I am just moving with the calendar. Still trying to heal from retrieval and had to start a steroid pack to get rid of the contact dermititis due to Betadine. Started Electro-Stim Acupuncture. Ordered my other meds and will pick them up on August 1st. Moved some meetings that were scheduled for August 24th and booked my flight this morning. Haven't shared the information with my family as I haven't wanted to worry them or make it more of a reality.
Still trying to process the rest of this journey. I know i can't worry about the What Ifs but it consumes my mind these days.
BB, as my embryo has been nicknamed by BP, is waiting for me to get to Denver. I guess we will see if its time for me to meet my rainbow BB or not along this journey. Only time will tell. Only BB knows the true answer.
Hello? Dr. Surrey could hear the panic in my voice and commented on it. He sounded up beat and calm. I tried to catch my breathe and do the same. And then he said it, "of the 6 embryos tested, one was determined to be healthy"
ONE?
I could feel the lump in my throat. My heart begin to race even more and I just listened. He continued stating that a few of them had multiple choromosomal issues, one had an extra chromosome 18 and one had a deletion in chromosome 15. Dr. Surrey said that clearly these embryos would've caused miscarriage. He went on to say that the one that was graded as the "best" looking embryo, 5AA, actually had multiple chromosomal issues and wouldn't have survived. He said that the lone survivor was the embryo graded as 5BB. Last man standing.
Dr. Surrey explained I had 2 options. Move to transfer my one embryo. Or if I wanted more children in the future I could attempt another round of IVF. He recognized that this was expensive and I didn't have IVF coverage. I reminded him that I wanted one child and had been on this journey for 2 years. He agreed. Transfer the one remaing embryo and said chances were good it would stick. I did share that I was disappointed that there was only one and no back up in case this transfer didn't work. I shared the bad reaction I had to the betadine from retrieval and was still dealing with it. He apologized for that and said that Betadine isn't used during transfer but would make a note on my chart. Still, he sounded excited by the news of my one lone embryo. Told me my nurse would call me tomorrow but I shared that we were already in touch and had a tenative date of August 24th. Wonderful, he says.
Hanging up the phone, I lost it. Tears began to flow and they didn't stop for hours. The kind of tears where you just can't stop yourself. Where you can't talk with anyone and your chest feels like its going to cave in. I sent a couple text messages that the results were back. One. 5BB was the last standing embryo.
The response (although meant to comfort me) that it only takes one made me so angry. I didn't want just one. I wanted all of them or at least two. I wanted one as a back up in case I have been miscarrying for other reasons. My biggest fear was that none of them would make it. So, I should be happy that one had survived. All I felt was sadness and disappointment.
An evening of crying and puffy eyes turned into a slow morning the next day. I was moving to transfer in August and as a reminder I had to pick up my to be refrigerated Lupron from Fedex that morning. Oddly, as I was picking up my package, a man in scrubs was also picking up something and saw my package stating "please refrigerate". He commented (gotta love the sensitive medical professional), "what you have in there, something good I hope?" Really dude? Its an injectible medication. Can you be in my business anymore? Disassembled the large box and put the medication, needles and sharps container in my bag and attempted to leave quickly.
I needed to grieve the loss of my other babies. I thought about asking the gender of the other 5 but felt it didn't really matter at this point. They weren't healthy and I couldn't use them. I am thankful that I went through the CCS testing. I can't imagine transferring those "highly graded" embryos and experiencing another miscarriage. A deep fear.
That fear is still there. There are no guarantees that a healthy embryo will result in a healthy live birth. The fragility of life still amazes me every moment. All the moments when something can go wrong from fertilization to implantation to everything in between. I have been trying to focus on one step at a time and was doing extremely well up until the news of one embryo.
What if this doesn't implant? What if I miscarriage again? What if my clotting disorder also affects my pregnancies? Should I do the Lovenox that I had discussed with my OB?
Feel like I am just moving with the calendar. Still trying to heal from retrieval and had to start a steroid pack to get rid of the contact dermititis due to Betadine. Started Electro-Stim Acupuncture. Ordered my other meds and will pick them up on August 1st. Moved some meetings that were scheduled for August 24th and booked my flight this morning. Haven't shared the information with my family as I haven't wanted to worry them or make it more of a reality.
Still trying to process the rest of this journey. I know i can't worry about the What Ifs but it consumes my mind these days.
BB, as my embryo has been nicknamed by BP, is waiting for me to get to Denver. I guess we will see if its time for me to meet my rainbow BB or not along this journey. Only time will tell. Only BB knows the true answer.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Dr Cheng
Last night I had my first appointment with an acupuncturist,Dr Cheng who I needed to do electro-stim acupuncture. CCRM follows a Swedish study that shows this type of acupuncture increases blood flow to the uterus thus increasing pregnancy results.
My friend,E has been going to Dr. Cheng for years so she highly recommended him. Fingers crossed that he was willing to do only the four points identified in this study. His small three room office was pretty plain but served his purpose. He moved quickly and in between the three rooms. Chinese by birth, he clearly spoke Mandarin and English. I definitely had to concentrate on what he was saying. He was willing to treat me. Whew. Willing to follow the study.Whew. But he also made some suggestions on other points to treat. Ahhh. I am sure he knows what he is doing but please just follow the study. A quick check of my pulses and my tongue, he agreed I was liver/kidney blood deficient.
Now onto the fun stuff, I laid on those lovely crinkle papers on his table on my belly. He placed 8 needles, in four points (bilaterally) connected me to the stim machine and we were buzzing. Actually could barely feel anything the I slight vibrationbut he said in his broken English that yes it should be dull. See you in 45 mins. UGH. Not the most relaxing position and I tried to go to a calm/happy place. The awful orchestral versions of songs from Lionel Richie and John Denever were more distracting than calming!
However, as I laid there trying to focus on blood flow increasing to my uterus....I realized that the one song playing was Somewhere over the Rainbow (orchestral version, of course). A sign maybe but I will take it as a place I was supposed to be!! Preparing for my rainbow baby.
Back on Saturday but think I will bring my own music!! Still waiting on test results and trying to get through one more day not knowing. I am a nervous wreck inside.
Not much else one can do but wait.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Tentative transfer date
" Traci I have good thoughts that we are going to have an embryo or embryos to transfer and I will be hanging baby Kodeck's birth announcement on my board next year" ...Tonie
This was the motivational email I received today after getting my tentative frozen embryo transfer calendar and instructions. I wasn't expecting this at all because I am still waiting for CCS testing results. I did get my period today and emailed my nurse, Tonie, thinking she was just going to put me on birth control pills. Easy. Wrong.
What I got back was a flood of information, consents, prescriptions,medication orders and a calendar. Patches, pills and injections. What? Already?
It was a mixed emotion of panic and being unsettled with the lack of information on my 6 rainbow babies. I was definitely excited and jumped right on top of things (which is how I know I was excited)
I immediately printed everything out and realized that I had 6 weeks to start coordinating everything and schedule electro-stim acupuncture. Called Dr.Cheng and attempted to explain my needs for just electro-stim on onky four points based on a study that CCRM follows. Sorta got through but have an appointment tomorrow night. This facilitated the referral from my PCP to get insurance to cover it. Called the local RE about monitoring. The flurry of calls also started to come in from the pharmacies that had my orders. Injections ordered (covered by insurance) and shipping costs more than the copay! All other meds arrive August 1st. FedEx will be my new best friend.
Picked up my birth control pills to start them on Thursday. Here we go again. Just when I am on the upswing from retrieval. My body is starting to feel like it used to and the bloating is almost gone. The rash/allergic reaction to Betadine is slowly healing but it's taking a long time (maybe that's preparing me for delivery!!)
Need to make sure I stay somewhat sane during the next week or so while awaiting my results. Work will make that a challenge but will serve as the usual distraction.
It was a productive day and I always feel good when I am able to check things off the to do list. The email from Tonie made me believe. Believe that it just might happen. That my dream to be a mom just might be one step closer.
What an amazing dream....I deeply hope that one day, I can share this journey with my child. To share this amazing story of how they came to be and all those amazing people in my village that wanted it to happen. That wished it to happen. Feeling very teary and the estrogen patches haven't even been started!!
Add Tonie to my village (not that she wasn't already there) but now it's official
Welcome, Tonie!!
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Basketball Team and a coach
I know that two week waits can be hellish but 6 days were long and day 6 itself went on forever. Thr time change made it even worse but I kept busy at work. I was distracted till about 3 pm and I started checking my phone every few minutes. It wasn't until I was driving to therapy that I got the call from Robyn.
SIX.
Six babies on day six. Half of the ones that fertilized.
Exhale.
It was the number I had in my head that I wanted at a minimum. I can finally breathe, well a little bit. I am moving into the next steps. CSS testing. I can't believe I am finally here. For the longest time, I couldn't look past July 4th. It's scary to think that now we wait. Wait to find out how many of my babies are healthy. The embryologist said they were watching a few more to see if they made it overnight and would call me again tomorrow.
My body on the other hand is still trying to sort out the change in hormones, increased fluid and bloating, constipation and some not so lovely bodily fluid issues. By far, the post retreival issue far surpass anything I was dealing with during stims. I really hope I don't have to do this again. I give credit to those that do several rounds of IVF. My body is screaming at me. All I want to do at night is go to sleep so I don't have to deal with my body issues. Hopefully, with acupuncture and probiotics my body will rebound shortly.
Update: July 12th!
Heard from embryologist and none made it from last night. So, SIX it is.
Which I am fine with. I asked again about grading. They use a grading from 1-6 (6 being the best) and needing it to be above 3 to see the 2 different type of cells, intercells and trophectoderm and 2 letters A, B and C (A is great, B, avg C,poor). First letter represents the intercell mass (which will be my rainbow baby!) and the 2nd the trophectoderm (placenta)
Here is how mine faired:
Day 5: 5AA (nicely done dude!), 4BB and a 3BB (he didn't study)
Day 6: 3AB, 3BB and 5BB
now we wait another 2 weeks to see who is healthy!!
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
And one more makes 12
After an evening filled with feeling bloated and just "full", I headed back down to CCRM for yet another u/s and bloodwork. I can see how this would be difficult for those that are afraid of needles. I have become very comfortable with the drive from Boulder to Lone Tree maybe a bit too comfortable. The weather has seemed to cool off a bit and there is a cool breeze. I can't imagine having to go back to work soon.
Of course, got evil u/s tech lady but luckily BP was with me. She was actually quite mello from her usual commentaries and didn't say much. Looks like I had an exra one grow over night so I have a total of 12 follicles ranging from 26 mm to 12 mm. Grow little follicles grow. Trigger will be tonight and my nurse, Tonie marked my outer butt check with a big X. BP is confident he can assist with the trigger. I am just nervous in general about getting that long needle into my butt. Ice. Lots of ice. Watching the trigger shot video now and BP also watched it. "I can do that" he calmly states.
Glad that BP is here with me to distract me for the next 48 hours. Hopefully, celebrating his birthday will keep me focused on something else besides retrieval. BP does calm me and makes sure I don't get hyper focused on one issue or topic. Looking forward to a nice drive along the frontier of Northern Colorado to Cheyenne Wyoming tomorrow. Great way to celebrate BP, follicles and the birth of our independence.
Independent.
When I first started on this journey, exactly two years ago today (July 3rd, 2010), I believed I was starting on a journey towards motherhood as an independent, single woman who had this intense desire to be a mom. To give birth to her child. To feel them growing inside of me. That's partly true.
Independent.
So many have commented on how strong and independent I am throughout this whole process. Reviewing the definition of independent: "not relying on another or others for aid or support" , makes me realize that although I am traveling this journey to be single mother, I am by no means alone or independent. I have relied on others for support, comfort, love, friendship, education, and even sperm. I can't do this alone or independently. Looking back, I could've have made it this far without the support or aid of others. I wouldn't want to. All of my friends, family and my SMC family have supported me in their own way and I am so grateful for each and every one of them.
I am especially grateful for BP. He is helping me create life. Create my future son or daughter. Selfless acts for a friend and for that I will never be able to thank him enough. I am certain we never could've imagined the place we would be today. Almost, 18 years later (July 21st, 1994) after meeting in Miami for pre-service Peace Corps Training. I am certain its not how he expected to be celebrating his 42nd birthday.
So, today we will celebrate independence as well as BP. A steak dinner and a road trip to Cheyenne is the least I can do for my friend don't you think?
(whew those hormones are getting to me)
I am sure I will update with our trigger shot experience.
Of course, got evil u/s tech lady but luckily BP was with me. She was actually quite mello from her usual commentaries and didn't say much. Looks like I had an exra one grow over night so I have a total of 12 follicles ranging from 26 mm to 12 mm. Grow little follicles grow. Trigger will be tonight and my nurse, Tonie marked my outer butt check with a big X. BP is confident he can assist with the trigger. I am just nervous in general about getting that long needle into my butt. Ice. Lots of ice. Watching the trigger shot video now and BP also watched it. "I can do that" he calmly states.
Glad that BP is here with me to distract me for the next 48 hours. Hopefully, celebrating his birthday will keep me focused on something else besides retrieval. BP does calm me and makes sure I don't get hyper focused on one issue or topic. Looking forward to a nice drive along the frontier of Northern Colorado to Cheyenne Wyoming tomorrow. Great way to celebrate BP, follicles and the birth of our independence.
Independent.
When I first started on this journey, exactly two years ago today (July 3rd, 2010), I believed I was starting on a journey towards motherhood as an independent, single woman who had this intense desire to be a mom. To give birth to her child. To feel them growing inside of me. That's partly true.
Independent.
So many have commented on how strong and independent I am throughout this whole process. Reviewing the definition of independent: "not relying on another or others for aid or support" , makes me realize that although I am traveling this journey to be single mother, I am by no means alone or independent. I have relied on others for support, comfort, love, friendship, education, and even sperm. I can't do this alone or independently. Looking back, I could've have made it this far without the support or aid of others. I wouldn't want to. All of my friends, family and my SMC family have supported me in their own way and I am so grateful for each and every one of them.
I am especially grateful for BP. He is helping me create life. Create my future son or daughter. Selfless acts for a friend and for that I will never be able to thank him enough. I am certain we never could've imagined the place we would be today. Almost, 18 years later (July 21st, 1994) after meeting in Miami for pre-service Peace Corps Training. I am certain its not how he expected to be celebrating his 42nd birthday.
So, today we will celebrate independence as well as BP. A steak dinner and a road trip to Cheyenne is the least I can do for my friend don't you think?
(whew those hormones are getting to me)
I am sure I will update with our trigger shot experience.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Vanilla Bean Frappucino
Amazing the drive time on a Sunday. Door to Door from Boulder to CCRM it was an hour. Its much calmer in there on the weekends and nice to be one of 5 people instead of 15.
However, my stomach dropped when I saw which tech called me back. It was the u/s tech that originally did my scan on my one day work up. She lacks sensitivity but I took a deep breathe and went back like a big girl. Figured my main goal was to see my follicles and get out of there to meet with the nurse. However, she decided she needed to prod my emotions today. First thing out of her mouth was "wow, look at that huge fibroid" Yes, I know its there. Thanks for the reminder. I didn't respond. I just watched the screen and counted as she measured trying to distract myself. Next, she went THERE. "Have you ever been pregnant?" Yes, 4 times (why do you think i am here?) "Full term?" I could feel my stomach flip and the emotions run through my heart and throat. Really? Does this impact your ability to complete my scan?
I just responded with a short..no.
Just get me through this and I can wait for the nurse to get results. I got dressed and moved into the little consult rooms. Ahhh, Tonie. My nurse comes into the room and I almost lost it with tears welling up in my eyes. I told her about what she said and she was sympathic and said now lets focus on your follicles.
11 follicles. .
Left: 19,19,16,15.5,12.5,11.5,11
Right: 17.5,17.5,15,13.5
Looks like my left one is my champion. Tonie felt like we were heading towards retrieval on Thursday. Whatever to get my maximum amount of follicles. Good thing I booked a hotel room for July 5th, so we can go from CCRM to hotel and rest before having to get up early and travel.
Still a bit teary after talking to Tonie but nothing a Vanilla Bean Skinny Frappucino can't fix.
The kicker...no sex. Ugh. Not that I really thought we were going to be able to but she definitely said no. It would've been nice (who am I kinding) it would've been amazing.
Eye on the prize. 11 follicles. Grow little rainbow baby...grow.
However, my stomach dropped when I saw which tech called me back. It was the u/s tech that originally did my scan on my one day work up. She lacks sensitivity but I took a deep breathe and went back like a big girl. Figured my main goal was to see my follicles and get out of there to meet with the nurse. However, she decided she needed to prod my emotions today. First thing out of her mouth was "wow, look at that huge fibroid" Yes, I know its there. Thanks for the reminder. I didn't respond. I just watched the screen and counted as she measured trying to distract myself. Next, she went THERE. "Have you ever been pregnant?" Yes, 4 times (why do you think i am here?) "Full term?" I could feel my stomach flip and the emotions run through my heart and throat. Really? Does this impact your ability to complete my scan?
I just responded with a short..no.
Just get me through this and I can wait for the nurse to get results. I got dressed and moved into the little consult rooms. Ahhh, Tonie. My nurse comes into the room and I almost lost it with tears welling up in my eyes. I told her about what she said and she was sympathic and said now lets focus on your follicles.
11 follicles. .
Left: 19,19,16,15.5,12.5,11.5,11
Right: 17.5,17.5,15,13.5
Looks like my left one is my champion. Tonie felt like we were heading towards retrieval on Thursday. Whatever to get my maximum amount of follicles. Good thing I booked a hotel room for July 5th, so we can go from CCRM to hotel and rest before having to get up early and travel.
Still a bit teary after talking to Tonie but nothing a Vanilla Bean Skinny Frappucino can't fix.
The kicker...no sex. Ugh. Not that I really thought we were going to be able to but she definitely said no. It would've been nice (who am I kinding) it would've been amazing.
Eye on the prize. 11 follicles. Grow little rainbow baby...grow.
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