Two BIG major events this weekend. The national event of this pending hurricane sandy is what most people are focused on this weekend. As I have definitely been preparing for the storm with non perishable items, batteries and charging my cell phone, my mind has been focused elsewhere.
BB is 12 weeks today. Another milestone. Of course, for me 12 weeks will only be confirmed after I have my ultrasound on Wednesday. Hoping the storm doesn't impact this too much. All I have had to do is get myself to Wednesday. Belly is definitely popping more and I even tried on maternity pants yesterday. SO comfy!! They were too long so I didn't buy any but my goodness.
I am sleeping but I toss and turn a lot and wonder if that has anything to do with my progesterone or thyroid? Need to ask OB this next week. I am still having crazy vivid dreams and of course peeing at least two times a night!
I guess literally and figuratively I need to ride out the next few days of the storm before the sun peeps out and shows me my BB again. Very nervous and on the verge of excitement.
I am also thinking of my SMC friend, B who had her FET this past week. Sending her good vibes, hope and faith.
That's all I have for the moment. Will keep you posted on both BB and the pending storm.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
One week and COUNTING
One week left of CCRM blood work.
One week left until my 12 week ultrasound.
One week left until I possibly graduate from CCRM (that's bittersweet)
One week left until i find out the gender.
My weekly blood work came back as usual up in one and down in the other. Progesterone was up to 34 and estrogen dropped to 1097. These levels fluctuate and estrogen should continue to rise. I was happy to see my progesterone rise after dropping my script to once daily. Today, I was removed from patches and pills!! I am still on oral estrogen until Sunday. Crazy to think my body will know have to kick in and do all the work. Still wondering how my pumpkin is doing in there.
I tried to find out the gender a few days early. I spoke with the genetic counselor, Diane who said once I am transferred to my OBs care they can share. I told I would call back next Wednesday and she agreed.
7 days! 168 hours! 10,080 Minutes! and 604,800 seconds !
But who's counting????
One week left until my 12 week ultrasound.
One week left until I possibly graduate from CCRM (that's bittersweet)
One week left until i find out the gender.
My weekly blood work came back as usual up in one and down in the other. Progesterone was up to 34 and estrogen dropped to 1097. These levels fluctuate and estrogen should continue to rise. I was happy to see my progesterone rise after dropping my script to once daily. Today, I was removed from patches and pills!! I am still on oral estrogen until Sunday. Crazy to think my body will know have to kick in and do all the work. Still wondering how my pumpkin is doing in there.
I tried to find out the gender a few days early. I spoke with the genetic counselor, Diane who said once I am transferred to my OBs care they can share. I told I would call back next Wednesday and she agreed.
7 days! 168 hours! 10,080 Minutes! and 604,800 seconds !
But who's counting????
Sunday, October 21, 2012
11 weeks
BB and I survived another week together!! I took my OB up on his "come over if you feel anxious and we will take a quick peek" We did. There "she" was again with a strong heartbeat of 174. I had vivid dreams again this week and actually dreamt that I was going back to CCRM to introduce them to my daughter. She was giggling on the floor and I could clearly see her beautifully frenchbraided black hair, cocoa skin and high cheek bones. Wish I could sketch so I could put my visual on paper.
CCRM has dropped me to one patch. One. I don't know what to do with all that space on my abdomen!! Still on one progesterone at night but my levels are holding steady. I suspect I will go off all patches by Wednesday and just on oral estrogen.
As one of my single mother friends stated, "there is a difference between being pregnant and feeling pregnant. Oh so true for this momma!! I love it when people tell me over and over again how lucky I am that I am having an easy first trimester. Drives me insane. I definitely started to pop this week and my "fat jeans" fit quite comfortably!! I had a work event last night that was cocktail attire. I attempted to wear a dress that I wore last November (black and low cut). Not, it was so tight, the boobs were everywhere and the belly was just popping out (even with spanx). Switched that quickly and I was way more comfortable and even danced to the amazing sounds of Jennifer Hudson live singing Whitney!! At the table, under my wrap (because most coworkers don't know) I kept holding BB and hoping she was enjoying the music.
I spent several hours catching up with my female cousin. Arbs (who has been SO supportive of my process) and is so excited about my "little zz pop" that she officially nicknamed my belly. We talked about the excitement of telling my grandmother and other family members. I must say I am SO lucky that all my family has been super supportive of my SMC decision. We talked about names of BB (none that I am ready to share online) and she felt many had Z sounds. Hence zz pop!!
Ready for the week to go fast! Ready to get week 12 going to I can have my NT 12 week scan on Halloween!
My thoughts are with another SMC getting ready to meet her Embies via FET this week at CCRM. Sending her good vibes and lighting a candle for her that she is as lucky as I am! Our SMC group really does became another family and everyone supports and cheers each other on from the sidelines. These women (including myself) have made an amazing decision to have a baby on their own. It shouldn't be this hard. But I guess life is hard.
Looking forward to seeing BB again in 10 days. Love you my sweet BB girl.
CCRM has dropped me to one patch. One. I don't know what to do with all that space on my abdomen!! Still on one progesterone at night but my levels are holding steady. I suspect I will go off all patches by Wednesday and just on oral estrogen.
As one of my single mother friends stated, "there is a difference between being pregnant and feeling pregnant. Oh so true for this momma!! I love it when people tell me over and over again how lucky I am that I am having an easy first trimester. Drives me insane. I definitely started to pop this week and my "fat jeans" fit quite comfortably!! I had a work event last night that was cocktail attire. I attempted to wear a dress that I wore last November (black and low cut). Not, it was so tight, the boobs were everywhere and the belly was just popping out (even with spanx). Switched that quickly and I was way more comfortable and even danced to the amazing sounds of Jennifer Hudson live singing Whitney!! At the table, under my wrap (because most coworkers don't know) I kept holding BB and hoping she was enjoying the music.
I spent several hours catching up with my female cousin. Arbs (who has been SO supportive of my process) and is so excited about my "little zz pop" that she officially nicknamed my belly. We talked about the excitement of telling my grandmother and other family members. I must say I am SO lucky that all my family has been super supportive of my SMC decision. We talked about names of BB (none that I am ready to share online) and she felt many had Z sounds. Hence zz pop!!
Ready for the week to go fast! Ready to get week 12 going to I can have my NT 12 week scan on Halloween!
My thoughts are with another SMC getting ready to meet her Embies via FET this week at CCRM. Sending her good vibes and lighting a candle for her that she is as lucky as I am! Our SMC group really does became another family and everyone supports and cheers each other on from the sidelines. These women (including myself) have made an amazing decision to have a baby on their own. It shouldn't be this hard. But I guess life is hard.
Looking forward to seeing BB again in 10 days. Love you my sweet BB girl.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Double Digits
Remember when you hit double digits as a kid?? It's like you did something miraculous without much effort.
BB turns 10 weeks today and I am proud of "her". Using that pronoun for lack of having to use both and I kinda feel like it is a girl (my son will hate me if I am wrong and he reads his birth story). Mostly things have been going well. Minimal symptoms which only include heavy breasts, excessive saliva, intermittent queasiness if I wait too long to eat and vivid dreams. The dreams are to the point that I don't sleep very well. Combined with the need to pee several times a night, sleeping isn't so restful. Although I don't have that "exhastion feeling"
Of my four other pregnancies (sounds overwhelming to actually type that), only one actually made it to 10 weeks when I miscarried at home. However, that pregnancy stopped growing at 6 weeks and never measured more than 6.5 weeks. The heartbeat was so faint that we could never hear it but my RE wouldn't do a D and C as long as a heartbeat was present. This is why it took 4 weeks to actually miscarry on my own. The most traumatic of all my pregnancies and I will not forget that day for many years.
So, hitting the 10 week mark is a milestone in itself. I told myself I would make it to 10 weeks without buggin my OB for an u/s. Guess who is getting an email Monday morning for a quick heartbeat check?? Next scheduled appointment isn't until October 31st. Way too far away!
CCRM is still weaning me off my meds. Dropped to only progesterone at night and 2 estrogen patches every other day. My progesterone actually increased to 31 this week after they dropped my progesteone from 3 pills to 2 pills. Shows my placenta is kicking in. Estrogen actually dropped so hopefully that's just a minor dip and will go back up this week.
BB is now the size of a prune (not such a great visual) and most of her organs are fully formed. Fingers and toes are formed and are no longer webbed. My uterus has grown to the size of a grapefruit which is why my pants don't fit!! BB will double in size in the next few weeks.
The anxiety of moving to the end of the first trimester is still there. It's hard to get rid of it totally. Another SMC friend asked me yesterday if I allowed myself to get excited. Excited about being pregnant? Yes. The idea of possibly having a baby? Not yet. Can't go there. Still too far away (30 weeks to be exact).
Will keep you posted on the u/s request from neurotic anxious pregnant lady!!
BB turns 10 weeks today and I am proud of "her". Using that pronoun for lack of having to use both and I kinda feel like it is a girl (my son will hate me if I am wrong and he reads his birth story). Mostly things have been going well. Minimal symptoms which only include heavy breasts, excessive saliva, intermittent queasiness if I wait too long to eat and vivid dreams. The dreams are to the point that I don't sleep very well. Combined with the need to pee several times a night, sleeping isn't so restful. Although I don't have that "exhastion feeling"
Of my four other pregnancies (sounds overwhelming to actually type that), only one actually made it to 10 weeks when I miscarried at home. However, that pregnancy stopped growing at 6 weeks and never measured more than 6.5 weeks. The heartbeat was so faint that we could never hear it but my RE wouldn't do a D and C as long as a heartbeat was present. This is why it took 4 weeks to actually miscarry on my own. The most traumatic of all my pregnancies and I will not forget that day for many years.
So, hitting the 10 week mark is a milestone in itself. I told myself I would make it to 10 weeks without buggin my OB for an u/s. Guess who is getting an email Monday morning for a quick heartbeat check?? Next scheduled appointment isn't until October 31st. Way too far away!
CCRM is still weaning me off my meds. Dropped to only progesterone at night and 2 estrogen patches every other day. My progesterone actually increased to 31 this week after they dropped my progesteone from 3 pills to 2 pills. Shows my placenta is kicking in. Estrogen actually dropped so hopefully that's just a minor dip and will go back up this week.
BB is now the size of a prune (not such a great visual) and most of her organs are fully formed. Fingers and toes are formed and are no longer webbed. My uterus has grown to the size of a grapefruit which is why my pants don't fit!! BB will double in size in the next few weeks.
The anxiety of moving to the end of the first trimester is still there. It's hard to get rid of it totally. Another SMC friend asked me yesterday if I allowed myself to get excited. Excited about being pregnant? Yes. The idea of possibly having a baby? Not yet. Can't go there. Still too far away (30 weeks to be exact).
Will keep you posted on the u/s request from neurotic anxious pregnant lady!!
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Officially a fetus!
As I was reading more about 9 weeks signs and symptoms (because I still feel pretty damn good), I realized that my little BB is no longer an embryo but a fetus. Congratulations on your graduation!
BB is also the size of a green olive (love how they differentiate that from a Kalamata!) and has hair and is apparently kicking around. I certainly wouldn't believe it.
It also hit me that although I am still in the first trimester, I am 3 months pregnant.....another milestone for this lady. The biggest milestone will be 11 weeks which I have never made it to in any of my 4 pregnancies.
More bloodwork tomorrow to check out my hormone levels. Will be so interested to see if they have dropped or increased.
As I went to pick up a script at my local pharmacy, my pharmacist says, "Are you okay? You look so tired?" LOL!! She has seen me looking much worse but I whispered I was 9 weeks pregnant. She raises her arms to the sky and in her Nigerian accent thanks Jesus. She was very excited for me. A true blessing she told me.
Vivid dreams and a complete disgust of my favorite Greek yogurt are my major symptoms this week.
Thinking I am only making it to 10 weeks before I request another u/s to hear that heartbeat again. Thank goodness I have such an understanding OB!!
About a week to go till I get that anxious something is wrong feeling (well, more than normal).
Grow little Olive. Grow.
BB is also the size of a green olive (love how they differentiate that from a Kalamata!) and has hair and is apparently kicking around. I certainly wouldn't believe it.
It also hit me that although I am still in the first trimester, I am 3 months pregnant.....another milestone for this lady. The biggest milestone will be 11 weeks which I have never made it to in any of my 4 pregnancies.
More bloodwork tomorrow to check out my hormone levels. Will be so interested to see if they have dropped or increased.
As I went to pick up a script at my local pharmacy, my pharmacist says, "Are you okay? You look so tired?" LOL!! She has seen me looking much worse but I whispered I was 9 weeks pregnant. She raises her arms to the sky and in her Nigerian accent thanks Jesus. She was very excited for me. A true blessing she told me.
Vivid dreams and a complete disgust of my favorite Greek yogurt are my major symptoms this week.
Thinking I am only making it to 10 weeks before I request another u/s to hear that heartbeat again. Thank goodness I have such an understanding OB!!
About a week to go till I get that anxious something is wrong feeling (well, more than normal).
Grow little Olive. Grow.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Nine
Well here we are at nine weeks. Seems like time is creeping along. I had a great staycation last week. Lots of tv watching, hanging with my grandma and a few doc visits for regularly scheduled appointments. Going back to work and focusing will be a true challenge. I completely get why people enjoy sabbaticals.
Trying to stay in the one day at a time mode. Enjoy each day as it comes but it's hard not to see the end of the first trimester only 4 weeks away. Oh how sweet that finish line would be. At least temporarily until I identify a new finish line.
No major symptoms have reared their ugly heads as yet. Still some indigestion but not bad at all (I spent half of college with indigestion so am used to it). Am very interested to see my blood work this week since CCRM has started to wean me off my hormone supplements. Hoping my body still knows what to do and little BB is still growing strong. The lack of "feeling" something is the ultimate mind tease.
As I sat with my almost 99 year old grandmother yesterday, I yearned to be able to tell her the wonderful news. She has 4 great grandchildren that she adores. Her living room is full of pictures of Will, Ez, Leo and Lucy. She talks about those photos every time I see her. She loves to get new ones and each one is her favorite. One of my favorite photos of my grandmother is her holding my nephew at about 3 months old. I would love to have that experience and to see that love in her eyes of my child. I tell myself it will happen. Waiting four more weeks to share the news. Hoping to add my 12 week ultrasound picture to her living room photo collection.
Today will be filled with Baltimore football and baseball. An amazing distraction to what is going on inside my body. Let's go Orioles!! Let's go Ravens!!
Trying to stay in the one day at a time mode. Enjoy each day as it comes but it's hard not to see the end of the first trimester only 4 weeks away. Oh how sweet that finish line would be. At least temporarily until I identify a new finish line.
No major symptoms have reared their ugly heads as yet. Still some indigestion but not bad at all (I spent half of college with indigestion so am used to it). Am very interested to see my blood work this week since CCRM has started to wean me off my hormone supplements. Hoping my body still knows what to do and little BB is still growing strong. The lack of "feeling" something is the ultimate mind tease.
As I sat with my almost 99 year old grandmother yesterday, I yearned to be able to tell her the wonderful news. She has 4 great grandchildren that she adores. Her living room is full of pictures of Will, Ez, Leo and Lucy. She talks about those photos every time I see her. She loves to get new ones and each one is her favorite. One of my favorite photos of my grandmother is her holding my nephew at about 3 months old. I would love to have that experience and to see that love in her eyes of my child. I tell myself it will happen. Waiting four more weeks to share the news. Hoping to add my 12 week ultrasound picture to her living room photo collection.
Today will be filled with Baltimore football and baseball. An amazing distraction to what is going on inside my body. Let's go Orioles!! Let's go Ravens!!
Thursday, October 4, 2012
180 beats per minute
Yesterday, I had my 8 week ultrasound and first OB visit. BB was still in there with a strong heartbeat at 180 bpm. No picture but I could see the flicker and hear that sweet sound that is stuck in my brain. Measuring 8w6d and I was 8w3d yesterday so growing like a champ!!
My estrogen levels also jumped from last week. Over 1100 from 636 just a week before. My meds weren't changed so this allows us to assume the placenta has started to take over. Progesterone also jumped from 16 to 26. Again, probably because of placenta doing its thing. CCRM decided to start the weaning process, so I bumped my estrogen patches to 3 every other day and progesterone pills only twice a day. Definitely makes me nervous to think, I am starting to rely on my body to support my pregnancy.
Also, had my first OB appointment with Dr. A. Just love him and know I am in good hands when he takes over my care. He was training with two medical students so they joined the conversation (with my approval) Dr. A was so complimentary of the process that I have been through and becoming a single mom. I knew it but it certainly was nice to hear ones OB was supportive of your choices. Had a full history assessment with him and discussed some high risk red flags. Just being 41, puts me at high risk for preterm labor. Can't really change that now can I?? My uterine septum and it's removal puts me at high risk for incompetent cervix, which I knew. IVF also apparently puts me at high risk for PTL. Lots of monitoring will occur including cervical checks starting at 16 weeks and many more ultrasounds. Fine with me. Luckily, I can walk to the center for advanced fetal medicine from work.
He talked about communication and asked if I liked being able to email him questions. Uh, Hell yes!! He agreed he felt it was a good way to communicate with his patients. Since he is the head of OB/GYN and the center, he doesn't have that many personal patients. I am honored to be one of them. Lots of education from how to wear my seat belt to constipation!! Then onto the physical which was also completed in the presence of the 3rd year medical student. Guess I can say I helped shape a future doc. Had everything down twice from ear/eye check to breast and pelvic exam. Fun times. Did learn I have a small pelvic bone which means I might have trouble pushing that big headed BB out. Will deal with that when necessary.
All good and now I just need to go and get blood work to check a bunch if things including thyroid
and for toxioplamosis (which I have been tested for but over 2 years ago)
It was a good, informative day. Spent the rest of the day with my nephew celebrating "Forever Family Day". The day he joined our family at the age of 2 weeks. His 4 year old humor and funny faces just put icing on an already fabulous day.
More blood work in a week and NT scan end of October. Although Dr. A said if I want a quick scan check in a few weeks, just email him. Ahhhh.
My estrogen levels also jumped from last week. Over 1100 from 636 just a week before. My meds weren't changed so this allows us to assume the placenta has started to take over. Progesterone also jumped from 16 to 26. Again, probably because of placenta doing its thing. CCRM decided to start the weaning process, so I bumped my estrogen patches to 3 every other day and progesterone pills only twice a day. Definitely makes me nervous to think, I am starting to rely on my body to support my pregnancy.
Also, had my first OB appointment with Dr. A. Just love him and know I am in good hands when he takes over my care. He was training with two medical students so they joined the conversation (with my approval) Dr. A was so complimentary of the process that I have been through and becoming a single mom. I knew it but it certainly was nice to hear ones OB was supportive of your choices. Had a full history assessment with him and discussed some high risk red flags. Just being 41, puts me at high risk for preterm labor. Can't really change that now can I?? My uterine septum and it's removal puts me at high risk for incompetent cervix, which I knew. IVF also apparently puts me at high risk for PTL. Lots of monitoring will occur including cervical checks starting at 16 weeks and many more ultrasounds. Fine with me. Luckily, I can walk to the center for advanced fetal medicine from work.
He talked about communication and asked if I liked being able to email him questions. Uh, Hell yes!! He agreed he felt it was a good way to communicate with his patients. Since he is the head of OB/GYN and the center, he doesn't have that many personal patients. I am honored to be one of them. Lots of education from how to wear my seat belt to constipation!! Then onto the physical which was also completed in the presence of the 3rd year medical student. Guess I can say I helped shape a future doc. Had everything down twice from ear/eye check to breast and pelvic exam. Fun times. Did learn I have a small pelvic bone which means I might have trouble pushing that big headed BB out. Will deal with that when necessary.
All good and now I just need to go and get blood work to check a bunch if things including thyroid
and for toxioplamosis (which I have been tested for but over 2 years ago)
It was a good, informative day. Spent the rest of the day with my nephew celebrating "Forever Family Day". The day he joined our family at the age of 2 weeks. His 4 year old humor and funny faces just put icing on an already fabulous day.
More blood work in a week and NT scan end of October. Although Dr. A said if I want a quick scan check in a few weeks, just email him. Ahhhh.
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