I must admit it was a pretty relaxing transfer day. I felt surprisingly calm especially after acupuncture and a Valium!!! My nurse left this tidbit out of the instructions. Yes ma'am!!
After bloodwork and the phlebotomist shared the Valium info with me I was ready to get upstairs for meds. I had about 25 mins of Pre-transfer acupuncture which was very calming. It apparently reduced cortisol, relaxed the uterus and increased blow flow. I had about 13 needles from my ears, forearms, legs, feet and even top of my head!
After the needles came out, TR came back to be with me during transfer. It took longer to wait for Dr Surrey then the actual transfer itself. I gladly took my Valium and according to TR was very looped. In came the ultrasound tech (one that I liked) and Dr Surrey. I have only seen him one other time at my consult but he really is such a calming person. The embryologist brought BB into the room in a big incubator. Said it warmed nicely and actually begin to divide ( a good sign)
The transfer was over in seconds and Dr Surrey was so gentle it was easier than any IUI (or the Valium helped). Now it was time to lay there! Almost immediately after TR took the photo of BB on the screen, we both looked at each other and started to cry. Realizing that the miracle of life was inside my uterus. Hopefully, snuggling up for the long haul. (will post a picture later)
After the tears fell, TR left again while I received another post transfer acupuncture treatment, while my hips legs were titled upwards and the head was tilted down towards the floor. After an hour, I was able to be wheeled out and head back to the hotel.
The hotel will be my home for the next 48 hours! If you have never been forced to stay in bed with your legs propped up, ya wouldnt know how challenging this can be. Luckily, TR has been the best caretaker. I certainly haven't gone hungry!!
Rubbing the Buddha belly and wishing I had X-ray vision to see what was going on in there!
Guess I will know in about 2 weeks.
Settle in sweet BB. Settle in.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Friday, August 24, 2012
Time to meet you
Today is the day I am going to meet BB. Embryologist called this am to confirm I was in the state, feeling well and confirm I started my progesterone on August 19th. Yes.Yes. And Yes. I asked how long it takes to "warm" the embryo and Laura said about 10 mins but they like to watch it for an hour or so to make sure it expands.
Please expand.
I had to ask about what if it doesn't thaw properly and she confirmed she would call me back. She wasn't that concerned due to their high success rate.
Please phone don't ring.
So glad that TR is with me for the process to keep me calm. We haven't had a true girls weekend in a while so this will have to do. Hoping to get out on Sunday for a movie or lunch. I know I have a bunch of my village here with me in spirit.
Looking forward to an hour of acupuncture. Hoping it's the points that I know and love and am actually going to ask them to do one on my wrist. P7...pericardiam.
Please calm me.
See you soon BB.
Please expand.
I had to ask about what if it doesn't thaw properly and she confirmed she would call me back. She wasn't that concerned due to their high success rate.
Please phone don't ring.
So glad that TR is with me for the process to keep me calm. We haven't had a true girls weekend in a while so this will have to do. Hoping to get out on Sunday for a movie or lunch. I know I have a bunch of my village here with me in spirit.
Looking forward to an hour of acupuncture. Hoping it's the points that I know and love and am actually going to ask them to do one on my wrist. P7...pericardiam.
Please calm me.
See you soon BB.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
If you don't succeed....
Try, Try again. Isn't this what we were taught as kids?? Well, it hit me yesterday while at my last electro stim acupuncture session that Friday's transfer will be try...#10!
Couldn't really believe it. I have had 7 IUIs, 2 try's with BP and this will be IVF #1. This process has been going on for over 2 years (since July 3rd, 2010). I can't even count the number of blood draws, ovulation kits, vaginal ultrasounds, prenatal vitamins (with extra folic acid) and acupuncture needles I have gone through.
The IVF process started at my one day work up in Colorado on April 16th. Here we go again. Back to Denver for the 3rd time this year for the frozen transfer. I still really can't think much past Friday. Hoping that my little BB makes it past the thaw in the morning. They have a 95% successful thaw rate. With only one little pumpkin, I can't be that 5%. My biggest fear right now. The thought that makes my stomach do flips. Moving on.
At my last acupuncture session with Cricket as she was focusing on keeping me at peace, she spoke about trying to find the connection between my heart and uterus. I can't verbalize the fear that's inside of me as I move forward on this journey. The fear of what ifs. So, I don't like to talk about them. I don't like to talk about next steps past this weekend. I don't like to put them out in the universe. Maybe the universe might hear them. So I keep them to myself. Cricket reminded me to honor those feelings and it's ok to have that conversation internally. To try and find that peace between my heart and my uterus; my temple. I will work on that on the plane.
So, I am going through the motions of getting ready to fly to Denver to meet my "BB" tomorrow at 2pm. Hopefully, she (I feel like BB is a strong female) will hang on in the morning to meet her well prepped home.
It's 2 days of bed rest after that. Looking forward to room service (which may mean TR making a trip to Naked Pizza!!)
Friday, August 17, 2012
What's one more pill...
Well, I got the green light for my FET scheduled for next Friday. Still really numb about the whole process and leaving it up to my village to be excited. Just can't go there. As I said before maybe it's a defense mechanism or something. Either way its what gets me through the day.
My lining looked fabulous....yes, fabulous...who knew ones uterine lining could be defined as such.
11mm is apparently a nice bed for BB. My estrogen levels were slightly low at 199 and they wanted it above 300. They added oral estrogen to my cocktail today to try to get it up before next week. I go back on Tuesday for more blood work.
So, after a much needed therapy session (more to vent about work) I bolted back to the city to pick up the new meds. Once home, I wrote down all the meds I need to continue to take and those that need to be added on Sunday.
Here goes:
4 Estrogen patches changed every other day (and can't be placed in the same area!)
Prometrium 3 times a day vaginally (must lay down for 30 mins after!)
My lining looked fabulous....yes, fabulous...who knew ones uterine lining could be defined as such.
11mm is apparently a nice bed for BB. My estrogen levels were slightly low at 199 and they wanted it above 300. They added oral estrogen to my cocktail today to try to get it up before next week. I go back on Tuesday for more blood work.
So, after a much needed therapy session (more to vent about work) I bolted back to the city to pick up the new meds. Once home, I wrote down all the meds I need to continue to take and those that need to be added on Sunday.
Here goes:
4 Estrogen patches changed every other day (and can't be placed in the same area!)
Prometrium 3 times a day vaginally (must lay down for 30 mins after!)
Aspirin
Medrol (this makes me HUNGRY!)
Doxycycline
B12/Folic Acid (b/c I don't absorb regular folic acid)
B6
Vitamin 6
Probiotics (something above is gonna give me a yeast infection!)
So, in the whole scheme of things...whats one more pill of estrogen?? At least my Lupron shots end tomorrow. Those aren't normally bad but this compound of Lupron would irritate my skin and was itchy.
Hope BB is ready to meet its new home. It's pumped full of hormones and all vitamins and minerals. No soy. Very little sugar. And every now and then a piece of steak. Sounds like a nice temple to me.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
One of those days
They usually happen on a weekend. When my mind isn't busy with meetings, appointments or making sure a program is running smoothly and clients are getting connected to services. When my mind has time to just think.
Every morning at 7 am my injection is a daily reminder of what I am trying to do and what has been over a 2 year journey. I can't escape it right now if I wanted to. The square clear estrogen patch on my hip is also a reminder of what I am preparing to do as the next step.
The faint headache that won't go away with extra water is another reminder that is more apparent on the weekend when I have time to notice it. And the sadness that overwhelmes me is just a bit deeper on the weekend when I really have time to process things.
It's one of those days that I am tired if being reminded of what I still don't have. What I have been trying to obtain for 25 months. That's almost 3 9-month cycles of trying to have a baby. No wonder I have watched countless women start trying, get pregnant and have their babies during this time.
Dont get me wrong, I am happy for everyone who has been trying and ultimately receives that amazing gift of a child. But one can only smile for so long before the sadness takes over and even the fake smile is difficult.
Today is one of those days. I am tired of faking the smile. Tired of hearing the good news for everyone else but me. Tired of hearing about pregnancy symptoms, baby showers and unmedicated IUIs that work the first time. Tired of being asked "what's new" when you see an old high school friend because all you really want to say is "I am pregnant" but instead manage to sneak out "Busy with work" Tired of the hormones making me feel like this....Tired of people telling me they have a good feeling about THIS one.
But....
I keep going. I have to keep pushing forward on my journey to be a mom.
It's just one of those hard days that unless you have been here you will never really know how hard it is.
Just one of those days and I needed to get that out.
Every morning at 7 am my injection is a daily reminder of what I am trying to do and what has been over a 2 year journey. I can't escape it right now if I wanted to. The square clear estrogen patch on my hip is also a reminder of what I am preparing to do as the next step.
The faint headache that won't go away with extra water is another reminder that is more apparent on the weekend when I have time to notice it. And the sadness that overwhelmes me is just a bit deeper on the weekend when I really have time to process things.
It's one of those days that I am tired if being reminded of what I still don't have. What I have been trying to obtain for 25 months. That's almost 3 9-month cycles of trying to have a baby. No wonder I have watched countless women start trying, get pregnant and have their babies during this time.
Dont get me wrong, I am happy for everyone who has been trying and ultimately receives that amazing gift of a child. But one can only smile for so long before the sadness takes over and even the fake smile is difficult.
Today is one of those days. I am tired of faking the smile. Tired of hearing the good news for everyone else but me. Tired of hearing about pregnancy symptoms, baby showers and unmedicated IUIs that work the first time. Tired of being asked "what's new" when you see an old high school friend because all you really want to say is "I am pregnant" but instead manage to sneak out "Busy with work" Tired of the hormones making me feel like this....Tired of people telling me they have a good feeling about THIS one.
But....
I keep going. I have to keep pushing forward on my journey to be a mom.
It's just one of those hard days that unless you have been here you will never really know how hard it is.
Just one of those days and I needed to get that out.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Evil Estrogen
I wasnt really too concerned about starting the estrogen patches. Just stick one on my belly and change every two days. Easy peasy. Wrong!
This morning I woke up at 7am as usual for my Lupron shot and this time added my "Vivelle dot" estrogen patch and went back to bed. I woke up at 1030. 1030. Haven't slept that late in years. I felt exhausted and attributed it to the estrogen. The rest of the day I had this dull headache.
Not only did I have this dull headache that got worse when I stood up but I was starving! I am still tracking my calories but I just want to eat the house. I was watching Keeping up with the Kardashians (hey it's a good distraction) and they were eating muffins...all I could think about was muffins!!
Still hungry at 930 and am trying to talk myself out of it. Hoping the tired symptom will kick in soon. Maybe its just my body getting used to it and it will level off soon. Should be fun next week when I have to double up and eventually getting to four patches a day!
It's going to be a long month....if this is only Day 1.
This morning I woke up at 7am as usual for my Lupron shot and this time added my "Vivelle dot" estrogen patch and went back to bed. I woke up at 1030. 1030. Haven't slept that late in years. I felt exhausted and attributed it to the estrogen. The rest of the day I had this dull headache.
Not only did I have this dull headache that got worse when I stood up but I was starving! I am still tracking my calories but I just want to eat the house. I was watching Keeping up with the Kardashians (hey it's a good distraction) and they were eating muffins...all I could think about was muffins!!
Still hungry at 930 and am trying to talk myself out of it. Hoping the tired symptom will kick in soon. Maybe its just my body getting used to it and it will level off soon. Should be fun next week when I have to double up and eventually getting to four patches a day!
It's going to be a long month....if this is only Day 1.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Still here
I haven't been posting a lot lately because I don't have much to say. Feel like I have been moving along slowly and just ticking each day off the calendar. Still in a very protective mode. Not discussing the process so much nor the what ifs. I have been following my FET calendar daily and just checking off the items as they come along.
Birth Control Pills for 13 days. Check. Lupron injections. Check. Period. Check. Start Estrogen patches and aspirin. Tomorrow.
Just reserved a hotel room for the night before transfer so I won't have to stress about driving an hour from Boulder before transfer. I won't know what time my transfer is until 2 days before. This will make my morning (especially if its early) a bit more relaxing. I do know I will have acupuncture before and after transfer. I will also need bloodwork that morning so they could have me come in anytime.
Speaking of acupuncture, I continue to go for electro stim acupuncture two times a week. I went today and for the first time, I actually fell asleep. Not my norm. Dr. Cheng said my uterus was improving as per my tongue! He is out on vacation and has found me a new acupuncturist, Elizabeth K. (peruvian apparently) and I will see her next Friday. Its a big gap in between today and next week but not much i can do about it. I will see Cricket on Monday so that makes me feel a bit better. Feeling a bit aching tonight so not sure if thats the affects of the electro stim on the uterine area. My body is not my own anymore.
Estrogen patches start tomorrow and first monitoring will start on Friday to check my estrogen level. The biggest monitoring appointment will be on the 17th which will check my uterine lining and progesterone. This is the day that I will get the green light that we are moving forward with transfer. My lining needs to be a certain thickness and show multiple layers. Out of my control so I will just continue my day by day philosophy.
I still see pregnant women whenever I go. Elevator at work. Dental Hygienist.Grocery store. Everywhere. Why does the universe feel like they need to continually show me something that I still don't have. Deeply desire and have been attempting to have for over 2 years.
I was talking to someone earlier today and they asked a question that still sticks with me (though the reference was not me) "What did I do in my life, to cause me to suffer so much right now?" I don't believe that someone is punished for their previous actions. But it does make me wonder why the hell am I still not a mom?? If you go on that theory....what did I do wrong?
Birth Control Pills for 13 days. Check. Lupron injections. Check. Period. Check. Start Estrogen patches and aspirin. Tomorrow.
Just reserved a hotel room for the night before transfer so I won't have to stress about driving an hour from Boulder before transfer. I won't know what time my transfer is until 2 days before. This will make my morning (especially if its early) a bit more relaxing. I do know I will have acupuncture before and after transfer. I will also need bloodwork that morning so they could have me come in anytime.
Speaking of acupuncture, I continue to go for electro stim acupuncture two times a week. I went today and for the first time, I actually fell asleep. Not my norm. Dr. Cheng said my uterus was improving as per my tongue! He is out on vacation and has found me a new acupuncturist, Elizabeth K. (peruvian apparently) and I will see her next Friday. Its a big gap in between today and next week but not much i can do about it. I will see Cricket on Monday so that makes me feel a bit better. Feeling a bit aching tonight so not sure if thats the affects of the electro stim on the uterine area. My body is not my own anymore.
Estrogen patches start tomorrow and first monitoring will start on Friday to check my estrogen level. The biggest monitoring appointment will be on the 17th which will check my uterine lining and progesterone. This is the day that I will get the green light that we are moving forward with transfer. My lining needs to be a certain thickness and show multiple layers. Out of my control so I will just continue my day by day philosophy.
I still see pregnant women whenever I go. Elevator at work. Dental Hygienist.Grocery store. Everywhere. Why does the universe feel like they need to continually show me something that I still don't have. Deeply desire and have been attempting to have for over 2 years.
I was talking to someone earlier today and they asked a question that still sticks with me (though the reference was not me) "What did I do in my life, to cause me to suffer so much right now?" I don't believe that someone is punished for their previous actions. But it does make me wonder why the hell am I still not a mom?? If you go on that theory....what did I do wrong?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)